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In a world that often emphasizes external validation and constantly sets high standards for success, it’s easy to forget the importance of self-love. However, nurturing a strong sense of self-love is not just a fleeting trend but a fundamental aspect of maintaining and improving our mental health. Many of us have struggled with engaging in self-love (including myself). Why is self-love so challenging for individuals? Engaging in self-love can be challenging for many individuals due to a variety of psychological, societal, and personal factors. These factors include negative self-image (based on our experiences or negative narratives from others), self-criticism, societal pressure that prioritizes material success and comparison to others, past trauma(s), fear of being perceived as selfish, lack of self-compassion skills, unrealistic expectations, and cultural and family influences. Of course, the list goes on. However, the reasons for not engaging in self-love above are among the main reasons I hear from other people (including my clients).
We can talk about how to cultivate self-love, which will come later. However, we need to understand the why. Hopefully, through the whys you read below, you can identify your why in self-love. Self-love is crucial for mental well-being and can lead to a happier and healthier life. Why? Because it can lead to:
- Improved Self-Esteem
Self-love is closely tied to self-esteem, which is the foundation of a healthy self-image. When you love and accept yourself, you naturally have a more positive view of your abilities and worth. This higher self-esteem acts as a buffer against negative thoughts and criticism, helping you maintain a more stable and resilient mental state. With so much societal pressure (including social media), it can be quite easy to fall into a hole of lower self-esteem. You may then focus on the imperfections, and weaknesses, and minimize your achievements. I’m not saying you should forget your weaknesses or imperfections. We all have them by the way. I am saying that self-love involves accepting and embracing all parts of you, including strengths, weaknesses, imperfections, skills, talents, and the list goes on. With this balanced way of looking at yourself and accepting yourself, you are more likely to recognize your worth, which can naturally boost self-esteem. There are other ways in which you will know that self-love has improved your self-esteem. You will find that you have little to no issues with establishing healthy boundaries, there is less comparison to others because you know that each individual is unique and what works for one person may not work for another, and you are motivated to show your true self to the world, flaws and all.
- Reduced Anxiety and Depression
Practicing self-love involves self-compassion, which means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a close friend. This self-compassion can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. By acknowledging your struggles without judgment and approaching yourself with kindness, you create a supportive inner environment that promotes emotional healing. Self-compassion can also counteract the negative thought patterns that contribute to anxiety and depression. Self-compassion does not make the negative thoughts go away, however, it can help you to deal with the feelings that come up for you when you have the negative thoughts. Self-love also promotes a healthier perspective on perfectionism. Perfectionism can contribute to symptoms of anxiety and depression. Therefore, accepting imperfections and viewing failures as opportunities for growth can help reduce the pressure and anxiety associated with perfectionism. Self-love also encourages emotional regulation skills, which are important when dealing with anxiety and depression. Emotional regulation skills such as mindfulness, grounding exercises, emotion labeling, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation are among the most helpful emotional regulation skills that can reduce anxiety and depression.
- Stress Management
Loving yourself means taking care of your physical and emotional needs. When you prioritize self-care and relaxation, you build resilience to stress. Engaging in activities you enjoy, using positive coping mechanisms, and managing your time effectively are all part of self-love. These practices help you better deal with life’s challenges and maintain a more balanced mental state. Loving yourself also means that you are deserving of support and seeking it when needed. How many times have you thought about obtaining support from loved ones or others, then decided not to reach out or judged yourself negatively for reaching out? Support from loved ones and others (proper and healthy support that is because it may be stressful to be around certain people, I get it) can take a load off and help with managing stress too. You are more likely to reach out to friends, family, mental health professionals, and others for help when you practice self-love. Seeking support is a healthier coping mechanism than isolating oneself or bottling up emotions.
- Healthy Relationships
Self-love sets the stage for healthy relationships with others. It plays a pivotal role in fostering healthy relationships because it influences how you perceive and interact with others. When you love and respect yourself, you are less likely to tolerate toxic or abusive relationships. You can establish clear boundaries and communicate your needs effectively, leading to more fulfilling and less stressful interactions with others. I talked about being authentic before as part of an improved self-esteem. However, authenticity here means you are more likely to show up in relationships as yourself (unapologetically). When you are less inclined to wear masks or pretend to be someone you are not, you are more likely to experience more genuine and fulfilling connections. Many people have talked about loneliness, more so in the past several years. One can be lonely even with many friends. Why? There are many reasons why such as lack of know-how to connect with others, mismatched expectations, shallow digital connections, social comparison, and lack of authenticity. There are probably many more reasons why. However, the reasons above are what I hear about most. Healthy relationships are important. It helps you to feel connected, provides emotional support, increases resilience, provides a network of social support, can bring a sense of fulfillment, increases happiness and well-being, can reduce stress, and promotes personal growth. However, self-love does come first before healthy relationships. This doesn’t mean you must achieve total self-love before engaging in healthy relationships. There may be a lot of overlap there (you will continue to engage in self-love as you continue to engage in healthy relationships). Self-love isn’t something you achieve and is done. You continue this forever.
- Increased Resilience
Life is filled with ups and downs, and self-love equips you with the tools to navigate these challenges with greater resilience. When you love yourself, setbacks and failures are less likely to define your self-worth. Instead, you view them as opportunities for growth and learning, maintaining a positive outlook even in difficult times. Embracing failure and other challenges can be difficult. However, self-love allows you to embrace these challenges and failures as a natural part of life’s journey. I used to think of ways to get out of challenging situations and also avoid failure. However, that not only created more work for myself by trying to avoid and get out of uncomfortable situations, but I also couldn’t learn how to navigate the challenges or fears. See, living a “perfect” life wouldn’t help me. How can I learn to cope and bounce back from something challenging or what was seen as a failure if there was nothing to cope or bounce back from? How can I learn the skills I learned while in the midst of the storm if there is no storm? Do you follow? The storm, the challenges, and the failures stretch you beyond your boundaries, thus promoting the use of already learned skills or new skills that will help you bounce back. This is what resilience is. We all need resilience because there is so much happening in the world right now (and has been and will continue to be).
- Boosted Self-Confidence
A strong sense of self-love can boost your self-confidence. When you believe in your abilities and worth, you’re more likely to take on new challenges and pursue your goals. This positive attitude can lead to personal and professional growth, which, in turn, enhances your overall mental health. Boosted self-confidence can result in taking risks, less fear of failure, putting oneself out there in the work, less fear of vulnerability, and more likely to be one’s authentic self. That’s a lot, isn’t it? Self-love isn’t just about loving oneself, it also promotes opportunities for growth and putting oneself in situations that can seem hard, though able to get through. Imagine yourself in a work meeting and volunteering to take on a challenging task during the meeting. The task may have been really difficult, however, you were able to get through the task. How do you feel after mastering that task? That must have been a really good confidence booster. Also imagine, doing the work with self-love which further contributed to you volunteering for that challenging task and thus mastering it. What a win/win situation; self-love and improved self-confidence!
- Positive Self-Talk
Self-love involves changing negative self-talk patterns into more positive and constructive ones. Instead of criticizing yourself relentlessly, you start to encourage and support yourself through challenges. This shift in self-talk can greatly improve your mental well-being by reducing self-doubt and self-criticism. Self-love also shifts your source of validation from external to internal. Sure, it’s wonderful to receive affirmations from others. However, you may be in a situation where you are the only person around. Therefore, relying on your judgment and self-assurance can be helpful and this internal validation reinforces positive self-talk.
There is immense pressure on us to meet external standards and expectations and therefore, self-love becomes a radical act of self-preservation. By embracing self-love, we protect our mental health and well-being, creating a solid foundation for resilience, happiness, and personal growth. Remember, self-love is not selfish; it is a vital practice that allows us to be our best selves and, in turn, make a positive impact on the world around us. So, start your self-love journey today, and watch as it transforms your mental health and your life.
If you need help on your self-love journey and want to connect with a mental health professional, I can help. I provide a 15-minute FREE consultation for individuals seeking my services. Click below to set up a consultation. If you have questions about anything here or other questions, you can reach out to me here.
